Asking for help can be a difficult thing to do and that’s especially true when you reach a point where you need to seek help for a mental health issue. When it comes to mental health you definitely can’t do it alone, but the idea of disclosing your condition can be an extremely tough hurdle to overcome. So what do you do when getting better means baring your soul?
Mental health issues can bring a myriad of problems to our lives, even with treatment, but the first major hurdle you’ll be likely to face is just acknowledging there is a problem that needs treated. Millions suffer from mental health issues of some kind but not all of them admit to a problem being present and get the treatment they need. This can be a hard point to reach because it means admitting you have a problem and need someone else’s help. That can be a tough pill to swallow for a lot of us, especially when we live in a society that so often equates needing help as being weak.
It’s not just scary to do so but also risky. In order to get help we have to be vulnerable for a moment and realize we can’t do it all on our own. On top of that,we have to trust others with a very sensitive condition since mental health is as close to home as it can get for many people. And what do you really get out of taking that monumental risk? The answer to that question can be very foggy because mental health isn’t a situation with a blanket solution. Every person has different circumstances,different resources, and different support networks. Depending on what your situation is, you may not know what’s on the other side of the bridge you’re crossing disclosing having a mental illness.
It may be very hard to see what return you’ll get by disclosing you have a mental illness but there is indeed value in it. Some of the more obvious things you can gain from being more open about mental illness is treatment and support. Until you openly admit a condition exists, you have no leverage in receiving treatment. and the people around you have no reasoning to give you extra support.In order to get help with any given problem, the first step is to admit to other parties there’s a problem so you can get connected to the right assistance.
Speaking personally, self-disclosure is indeed a painful and difficult thing to do. You feel scared, weak, and uncertain about the future. You know it will make things better but at the time it’s hard to know how or even how long that process will be. Self-disclosure is the beginning of a difficult journey but perhaps one of the greatest fruits of taking the step of doing it is that over time you will become stronger and you will achieve a sense of your mental illness not owning you. Asking for help may make you feel weak at first but it opens the door for you to learn to find strength in others and work toward living a better and happier life.
What does it mean to you to be strong? Does it mean never needing another person or maybe just never showing your fear? Does it mean solving your problems alone? Maybe it means just never acknowledging a problem exists in the first place. Being strong is typically associated as a positive trait so it’s easy to write off asking for help as being a weakness and not a strength. But what if that’s not quite the right perspective to have?
Why is our society so prone to strength being associated to those acting alone? The truth is that there is nothing wrong with asking for help. In fact, some might argue there is more strength in being humble and knowing your own limitations. Strength can be in numbers and realizing that you can’t do everything alone. Strength can be stepping outside of yourself and seeing the value another person brings to the table in a situation. Strength can be reaching out and opening your hand to get help climbing up instead of clenching it into a fist and letting yourself fall deeper into a hole.
Many suffering from mental illness are either too afraid or too full of pride to ask for help but over time you only do yourself a disservice with this approach. Self-disclosure means a lot of things to a lot of people but what it should mean is the first sign you are growing as a person. Self-disclosure isn’t an admission of weakness but rather a sign you want to be stronger and get better. Become a person who cares enough about your own well-being to become strong and live a better life. Take that step to not let your mental illness run your life and realize when you’ve seemingly run low on hope or strength that you can rediscover it with the help of others.
Once you understand that there’s no shame in asking for help,the next step to success is understanding yourself and your motives. While self-disclosure is the first step of your journey, the path after that is going to be up to you. Self-disclosure is nothing without substance. It only has meaning if you truly want to get better and do it honestly. Dishonest self-disclosure is really a dead end because while it does achieve in part the larger goal of getting treatment and support, it will never get you to a point of improvement. But what does it mean to dishonestly self-disclose?
There are actually two main ways you can dishonestly self-disclose. The first way is by not fully self-disclosing. This means you are either dishonest about your condition or the severity of it. Yes, you will still get treatment but in the long run you won’t be getting the correct condition treated. As an example, let’s say you disclose having depression and you begin therapy and medications. But let’s also say you aren’t fully disclosing the severity of your depression or how it affects you. That means you’re getting therapy and medication based on incomplete information and even perhaps an insufficient amount of moral or emotional support. It means you won’t really get better in the long run and you’re not only cheating yourself but using up time resources from others in the process that could be better utilized.When you’re seeking treatment for a mental health issue, honesty is paramount to the success of that process, so when you only partially disclose things you can only achieve partial success.
The second way you can dishonestly disclose is to do so without actually wanting to get better. When it comes to mental health treatment, there will be no success unless you as the patient truly want to get better and improve your life. All the therapy and moral support in the world can’t fill the gap you create when you disclose without actually acknowledging your condition and wanting it to improve. No person can make you want to live or force you to listen. No one but you can make that choice to change. Therapy,medication, and even emotional support are just aids but if you don’t truly love yourself enough to take advantage of them your situation will never improve.
When you choose to self-disclose a mental illness, do it because you truly and genuinely want your life to change and have a desire to place trust in others. Don’t do it for sympathy and don’t do it because you feel like you’re supposed to or are backed into a corner. Dishonest self-disclosure will always do more harm than good. You won’t get any better and you’ll probably strain the resources and relationships in your life in a very negative way in the process.
But this creates another dilemma and that is what to do if you still need to convey your mental health issues without raising a false flag. One of the key things about successful self-disclosure is that you need to be personally invested to some degree for it to hold true value. In the beginning that degree doesn’t necessarily need to be large and you may need to work to discover it. Before you self-disclose, take the time to know yourself. Think about your goals. Think about what you want out of life. Try to find a small thing to establish that initial investment in the process. Maybe your goal when you first choose to self-disclose will be to be able to spend less time in bed,have less panic attacks,or be able to enjoy family functions.
Over time you can challenge yourself to invest more to where spending less time in bed grows to being able to get up and go seek your dream job or diploma. Enjoying a family function can expand with time and help to wanting to be more social and seek friends. Self-disclosure is a big step but it can start with a small personal stake that grows with you in the healing process. If you plan for your success and self-disclose with an open heart, you’ll always have a way back onto the right path toward living your best life.
With the frequency of mental illness, it’s very likely you’ll be at the other end of the self- disclosure process at least once in your life. Self-disclosure is an interaction and how we react to a person disclosing a mental illness is just as important as what they do and say. Most people will initially self-disclose to a loved one and not a medical professional so making sure their admission is received in the right manner could very well determine if they continue in the next steps of seeking treatment or lose faith in being open about their condition with others. This section will look at some best practices for a person on the receiving end of a self-disclosure.
Listen to them and make them top priority.
It’s very easy in our busy society to take our conversations for granted, but when a person is discussing something personal and serious like a mental illness, you need to be listening. And when I say listening I mean actual listening. Make the person your primary focus and don’t half listen while forming a generic response. The person will be able to tell if you’re only partially present for the conversation and that could cause a negative backlash that makes it harder for them to move forward seeking help and trusting others.When a person is seeking guidance on dealing with a mental health issue and making an initial self-disclosure, they need you to listen more than they need you to advise. In that moment you need to focus on keeping your ears open instead of heroically saving them by piecing together sage advice.
Respect them and take them seriously.
Mental health sufferers are typically already burdened by insecurity,fear, and self-esteem issues so the last thing you want to do when they disclose to you is add to that. Make an effort to understand the struggles the person is going through and don’t consider it a weakness they’re reaching out. Dealing with mental illness takes strength and that person deserves to be respected and acknowledged for what they’ve gone through. Just because you can’t see or fully grasp their condition, doesn’t mean they aren’t dealing with something real. When it comes to self-disclosure, keep in mind feeling respected and acknowledged can make or break how much help a person seeks. Brushing them off or treating them poorly could end their journey to recovery before it even starts.
Reassure them.
When a person shares something as personal as their journey with mental illness you can be assured they will be nervous about the experience. The best thing you can do is very simply reassure them in that moment that it’s okay to not be okay. Don’t be an overachiever and dig yourself a hole. The person just made one step so make sure you don’t run a mile ahead by sugarcoating,making lofty promises, or predicting the future. Be real and in that moment with the person.Acknowledge that they’ve made an important step and it’s okay to ask for help and want a better quality of life but be careful to not overstep your boundaries or make the situation sour or less genuine. Remember that ultimately the person isn’t expecting you to fix anything at that point. They are confiding in you as the first step toward getting help. Having perspective and serving as a source of confidence will go a long way toward them getting the help they need.
Be honest with them.
Honesty is the best policy to have when someone is self-disclosing to you. They are already likely to be nervous and confused on top of baring their soul to you, so the last thing you want to do is cheapen the interaction by being disingenuous. In this type of interaction, you should be listening more than talking but when you do talk, be honest and open with the person. Trust is built on honesty and the person needs to be able to trust to start seeking help. Obviously, you need to be responsible with your honesty. If you have something to say that will do more harm then good,choose wisely whether to bring it up or not but don’t lie. If you happen to be nervous or unsure then be honest about that. Supporting a person with a mental health issue is tough and it goes a long way when you’re honest about wanting to support them but being a little scared too. Saying the wrong thing becomes significantly harder when you choose to be honest.
Encourage them to seek help.
The person will mostly likely need to reach out to other parties to get the help they truly need. Self-disclosure is an initial step. It’s a sign the person is ready to begin the process of living a happier and healthier life. It’s the step of admitting a problem exists. If a person has bravely made that step,make sure you communicate your support for them to take the next steps toward recovery. Don’t make the mistake of seeming as if you’re dumping them though. Try to communicate being in their corner but also that other steps may be necessary in addition to their personal support network. Keep in mind that a large part of self-disclosure is seeking support and reassurance. If you tap out and appear to be passing the buck, the person will just feel alone and unsupported. The better approach is to not bow out but rather to make sure you clearly communicate being there for the person while they seek any other avenues of assistance they might need. Remember the person isn’t looking for you to solve the problem, but rather looking for a source of support by opening up to you. The reassurance you give them while they seek help could make all the difference on whether or not they keep pushing on in the process.
Provide reasonable support.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for a person is know what we can’t do for the person. Many times when people seek to provide support for a loved one dealing with mental illness, they have the wrong idea of what the person expects from them and either do too little or too much. Speaking personally, I often see people around me who tend to try to do too much and frustrate themselves or just get scared and do nothing at all because they don’t think they have anything to contribute to the process. The only thing a person is seeking when they reach out to a person in their personal network is the best the person can do. They aren’t going to expect you to cure them or be an unshakable rock of a person. Just be you and be genuinely there for the person.
Most mental health sufferers are fully aware of what personal support is capable of versus what professional support is capable of, so you can do a favor for yourself and the person you’re trying to support by just being realistic and honest. There will be things you can’t do for the person and there will be times when you’re at a loss on what to do for the person. Be honest about that and don’t try to be something you aren’t. Remember that standing by them and doing what you can is enough, because when it comes to mental health all support counts despite how big or small you conceive it to be.
Don’t try to relate.
I realize I’ve said this point multiple times in a lot of different ways throughout articles but I really can’t hammer it home enough how important this is. A cardinal mistake many people make when they interact with a person dealing with mental illness is trying to relate. Common phrases like “I understand.” or “I know how you feel” seem like really great things to say to comfort someone but how they typically translate to a mental health sufferer is as trivializing and condescending. When a person is confiding with you about a mental health issue, saying these things will shut your conversation down in an instant. They make it seem like you’re trying to make less of their problems or make it a competition for who’s in the most pain. That’s not helping. It’s just going to make the situation worse and makes the person less willing to turn to others in a mental health crisis in the future.
Remember that even if you think you can relate,you can’t. They are a unique person with a unique situation. They are not you and they will get offended if your approach is to compare them to you or anybody else. Respect the person enough to focus on them and acknowledge they are a unique person with a real problem because in that moment they need you to see them and not incite an unintentional contest of who is suffering more.
Conclusion
The idea that things can be better isn’t exactly foreign to a person suffering with mental illness but it’s never a straight path to find that better thing. It’s a difficult,uncertain, and often scary journey with ups and downs. The first step to living a better life and improving your mental health is always going to be acknowledging you have an issue and need help. It may be hard to find the reward from taking that risk at first but once you do take that step and get the help you need,know that it’s worth it and believe that your potential to live better is worth it. Living with mental illness is a struggle but it’s not one that you have to go through alone and it can get better if you take that chance and trust another person enough to self-disclose.
